How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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