He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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