Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
