then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
