If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
