How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
