girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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