I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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