If i come over, it means nothing
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
