is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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