Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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