Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He better not be in your backpack
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
