we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
