I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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