he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize