i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
