um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
