I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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