When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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