her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
