Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
