My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
