It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
