I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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