Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
