your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.