We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
