Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
