I think I can smell my own vagina right now
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
