it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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