We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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