That's when you crack a 10am beer
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
