The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
