She's JV to your varsity
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
high people should be assigned attendants
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
