Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
