Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
