It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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