I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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