I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
