First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
