you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.