Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
