you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
