marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize