You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
