I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize