some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
