so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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