did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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