oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
