i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize