This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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