i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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