i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
