he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
