I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
