two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
