Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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