from now on my penis is your penis
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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