as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
