her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
