I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
