I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
did you just send me my own nude
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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