Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
