OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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