I just threw up on my dentist
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
