i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
