just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
